Chris' Letter To Scott Pioli, GM of the Kansas City Chiefs

Dear Mr. Pioli,

How are you? I am fine. How about that volcano in Iceland? Man, I'm glad we don't have any volcanic ash clouds in this part of the world. How about you? Have you seen Kick Ass Yet? I saw it last night. It rocks! Are you excited about the draft tonight? I know I am. 

In fact that's kind of why I am writing you this letter. The Chiefs are at a critical point in their history. They are on the verge of slipping into a state of never ending suckitude, on par with the Detroit Lions. Don't get me wrong, they showed a little promise last year. They didn't, however, convince anyone that things are going to get a lot better any time real soon.

This makes tonight's draft crucial to our future. For the past three years, we have taken players out of LSUin the first round. While Dwayne Bowe has had a few moments, he's yet to convince anyone that he was worthy of a first round pick. Last year's suspension for the use of performance enhancing drugs ain't helping his cause. Then we have the two defensive linemen - Foley and Jackson. No one's pointing any fingers about the Foley pick. He was considered to be perhaps the best overall player in that draft. Who knew that he was going to turn out to be a turd in shoulder pads? As far as Jackson goes (the first draft pick in your regime I might add), I'm still scratching my head on that one. He wasn't on anyone's draft board that high. Is he you're illegitimate son or something? You just wanted to do right by him after all these years. A GM of a pro football team doesn't get too many passes. You used one of yours up on that one, bud. Hope it was worth it.

Now there aren't any players out of LSU rated near high enough to use the fifth overall pick on. Stay the hell out of Baton Rouge!

If fate should smile upon you tonight and Ndamukong Suh falls to number five, take him. For the love of God, take him. Pay him whatever he wants and build the defense around him. It might be your only chance to replace Jarred Allen.

Anyway, I'll let you get back to preparing for the draft. I hope I've made my point and I hope I didn't offend you. I still have the hope that you can do a good job.

Sincerely,

Christopher N. Johnson

PS: I've heard that the Steelers are shopping around Ben Roethlisberger for a top ten pick. Don't do it! I know it's tempting to give up a pick for an established franchise quarterback, still in his prime. But we don't need that deviant. My friend Andy lives in the KC area. You might have read his comments on my blog. Anyway, I don't want Big Ben to... you know... rape him.