Terrifying Vision of The Future

Every week I spend time with an elementary school student during his lunch and recess. No, it is not court ordered community service; I actually volunteer. It's pretty much the same routine each week. We eat and then go outside to play games with his pals. And each week it's pretty much the same result, I get driven insane watching the little maniacs make a complete mockery out of the games I used to love playing as a kid. Most importantly, kickball and football. They embarrass themselves on the soccer field too, but who cares? They ought to be ashamed of themselves for even wanting to play that joke of a sport. 

Let me illustrate what one of these debacles is actually like. They split into teams that are usually lopsided, get marginally organized for a play and then it breaks down into total chaos. For the next fifteen minutes they are just running around in random directions, throwing the ball, or sometimes balls, all over the place, and occasionally taking breaks to argue or have a quick wrestling match. My old gym teachers would cry like the indian in that famous public service announcement about littering if they had watch.

To anyone who says that I am overreacting and that it's just kids being kids, I say, I don't think so, bud. Wake up and smell the chocolate milk! Sports is a microcosm of life. If our kids can't even get focused long enough for a game of kickball, then we ain't ever going to cure cancer or go to Mars. My generation may have it's problems, but we played two-hand touch football with the respect the game deserves. 

The World Is Right...For Now.

I haven't had anything to rant about this week and I have been wondering why. It's not that this week has been without it's share of injustices and absurdities. It's just that everything has failed to get me fired up. This morning it occurred to me why that is. This week has seen the return of two of my favorite things: The show House and The Ark City Pool League.

I know I'm not the only one who was psyched about Dr. House returning this week. That show is a guilty pleasure for a lot of us. Deep down inside, we would all love to be that rude to people for just a day. Admit it, you all know you've had a day where you would have loved to treat everyone you encountered with as much contempt as our favorite  pill popping MD often does. 

As far as pool league goes, probably there are fewer of you who can relate. That just gives me some time every Tuesday night to hang out and shoot pool with some other equally juvenile individuals. I recommend that everyone find themselves their own equivalent to pool league. You've never looked so forward to a Tuesday night.

I Pity The Fool Who Snubs Mr. T

I recently heard that UFC star, Quentin "Rampage" Jackson, will be playing the part of B.A. Baracus in the new A-Team movie. I have no idea how Rampage will do. No one does; he's never acted. But what what's wrong with bringing back the man who made the role famous? That's right, I'm saying we need Mr. T. He still looks the same and I'm sure his schedule would allow it. Actually, there's a chance they might have tried to reach him but his phone was shut off. All the more reason, to give him some work. I'm sure at this point he's had to sell most of his gold chains. This might have been  just the boost he needed to make a comeback or at least get his cereal back on the supermarket shelves.

On a side note, thumbs up for casting Liam Neeson as Hannibal. He was the man in Taken. 

Nobody Ever Wins A Fight

With yesterday's news that Patrick Swayze died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 57, I felt compelled to get on here and talk about one of the coolest movies of the 1980s, if not all time. That movie movie of course is Dirty Dancing. Just kidding! Although, to this day, nobody puts Baby in a corner. The movie I'm talking about is Roadhouse.

Roadhouse gave us so much. It taught us all to appreciate the bouncers at our favorite watering holes, it showed us that you can actually (with the proper training) rip a man's larynx right out of his throat. But most importantly, it gave us the wisdom of Daulton (Swayze's character). Who could forget those classic lines? In case anyone has, I have listed some of the best.

• You're too stupid to have a good time 
  
• Nobody ever wins a fight
• Pain don't hurt
• Be nice, until it's time to not be nice
• It'll get worse before it gets better
  
• It's my way, or the highway
  

The last two were hardly original, but nobody ever said either line better than Daulton. I'm probably leaving some out, so feel free to let me know.

So long Patrick. Thanks for everything you gave us.

America's Family

I should not know who Jon and Kate Gosselin are, yet tragically, I do. Right now they are probably more recognizable than the Vice President of this country. 

At first, they began to gradually creep in to my life. Everytime, I would be going through the channel guide on my TV, it seemed that TLC would be airing back to back to back to back episodes of their reality show. I never was curious enough to check it out. After all, most people could probably guess what the show was about from the title - two idiots who thought it would be cool to have eight kids and were subsequently rewarded a TV show so the rest of could see how crazy their lives were and vicariously  experience  their ups and downs. Not my cup of tea. I would rather watch professional wrestling. 

Eventually, I started hearing people talk about them at work. My former boss' kid loved the show. She referred to it simply as "Babies". I have to admit, I thought that was cute. That was all well and good. I would hear random comments and discussions, and from time to time I would even chime in with my two cents on the idea of having eight kids (In a nutshell, I'm against it). But things would eventually get way out of hand.

As most of us now know, the marriage hit a rough patch. There were allegations of cheating and cruelty and drug trafficking. Ok, I made that last one up, but you get the point. Nearly every possible "news" source was reporting on these two clowns. If you went to the grocery store during that period there would be half a dozen magazines with them on the cover. I had never been so sick of two people I had never met.

What really makes me sick, is the thought of what kind of damage these morons must be doing to their kids. I couldn't imagine growing up on TV and having my entire family's dirty laundry displayed for the world to see. It will be a miracle if these kids turn out as healthy, functioning members of society. I have a terrible feeling that some of these kids might wind up making  Lindsay Lohan and Brittney Spears look normal.

The reason I'm on here ranting now is because, they just won't go away. Everyday, I get on a site like Yahoo! to see what all is going on and everyday there is a new headline. Today's had something to do with Kate receiving an offer to pose in Playboy. Yeah, that will be good for that family. Mommy posing naked ought to help the Gosselins get back to a "regular" life. I'm ready for the next worthless phenomenon to come along and capture the hearts of America. NO MORE JON & KATE!!!!!

RIP

So "The King of Pop" Michael Jackson was finally laid to rest yesterday evening. What the hell? Hasn't he already been dead for like a year? What took so long? After all of these years did Billie Jean finally get around to asking for a DNA test. If so, was the kid his son? I don't mean to make light of tragedy, but the man died two months ago. When I go, I hope my loved ones don't sit around two months waiting to put me in the ground, unless they have some realistic expectation that I'll be coming back.